why I want to be a child again…

i

you are my home...

…and almost everyone wants to be at home.

longing for you

always….

Have a peace and warm birthday there, ma!

23 September 2003, ba’da Magrib waktu setempat.

“Jangan pergi, Nak. Disini aja” ujar mama terbata-bata, lidahnya mulai kaku, mengikuti sebagian badannya yang sudah mati rasa dari beberapa saat yang lalu. Aku tetap memijat tangan mama walaupun ia sudah tak bisa merasakannya lagi, berharap pijatanku dapat membuat aliran darahnya lancar kembali dan separuh badannya tak mati rasa lagi.

“Ta cuma mau ganti baju bentar, ma. Boleh ya?” tanyaku. Mama menggeleng lemah, membuat aku semakin khawatir.

“Biar Tata ganti baju dulu, supaya kita bisa ke rumah sakit, ya?” tanya papa lembut. Akhirnya mama mengangguk lemah dan akupun segera berlari dan tak sampai 5 menit aku sudah kembali lagi ke kamar mama dengan pakaian lengkap bepergian, siap untuk ke rumah sakit.

“tok..tok..” Pintu kamar di ketok dan ketika aku buka, sudah berdiri Om Ikar, teman papa yang tadi beliau telpon untuk menemani kami ke rumah sakit, membawa mama langsung ke UGD, berharap kesembuhan segera untuk beliau.

Berdua papa dan Om Ikar mengangkat mama ke mobil. Om Ikar yang menyetir, papa memangku kepala mama dan aku kembali memijat kaki mama. Mama terlihat sudah tidak sanggup berkata-kata lagi, ia hanya mengikuti dzikir yang diajarkan papa.

“Allah…” itulah kata terakhir mama sebelum ia tak sadarkan diri, hingga kami tiba di UGD Rumah Sakit Awal Bros Pekanbaru, mama dipindah ke ICU, dan esoknya beliau menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, 24 September 2003 10.15 WIB.

Mengenang Ibunda Tercinta

Asmidarti

29 November 1953 – 24 September 2003

Peluk dan cium dari anakmu,

yang akan selalu merindukan doa dan pelukmu…

the Unplanned Journey

aah…

Here I come to this city, back to the city where I left my bitter sweet memories, return to the city, return to my home.

Too many changes so I can’t even notice it… or is it me that is too numb to notice?

i do want to go home, but not like this… it is not how I imagine my “balek kampung”. In my mind, I will be picked up by my father in the airport, not met him up in the ICU with all those pipes… In my mind, I will be hang around the city with him, eating durian, play tennis, not faking happy face to hide my tears when I see him laying down with pale face..

I love You pa..

I know you’ll get better soon, i just know it…

Aaaamiiiiin…

Casa di atas Aksara

another weekend trip!!

yay!!

Last friday, we went to Kemang.. yes, Kemang again..

This time we went to dine in Casa but due to the waiting list, we were window shopping first in Aksara and I just Love Aksara!

There was a feeling of “syahdu” *ceilah* that Aksara lit up in my heart.. i love the vibrant of this bookstore. i love how they arrange and decorate the books and all the unique things they sell there… Unfortunately I can’t take the photos there..

finally, we get the seat in Casa..

I ordered Spaghetti Aglio Olio again, but this time it is followed by the peperocino and it was soooooo spicy! but still soo tasty.. hihihii

Mr.J ordered Salmon Teriyaki + Rice (biasa, tipikal orang indonesia, kalo makan harus pake nasiii,, hihihi peace!)

let the pics tell more…

The Drinks: my Hot Chocolate, Mr.J's Lime Squash + Mineral water

Spaghetti Aglio Olie e Peperocino

Salmon Teriyaki + Rice

i love the candle..

romantic dinner

Just you……

...and me

Love,

The Dark Jasmine

November Rain

Welcome November….

guratan langit membiru

membuat ku merindu

hujan selalu hadirkan syahdu

bagi hati-hati yang pilu

beruntung aku selalu memiliki kamu

cintaku membiru rindu

goodbye October….

Thank you for all the great memories, misery and happy…times

 

 

Wedding + Traffic Jam + Nite Sale = Great Food

Saturday??

Yes! another weekend to spend with him, my lovely Mr.J …

Wedding??

nope, not my wedding, at least, not yet.

last Saturday, I went to a wedding in Cibubur and it was a tiring journey, due to the saturday afternoon traffic jam in Jakarta, worst!

It  was a wedding of Mr.J’s friend which was held in Wiladatika, Cibubur. The building name is Pandan Sari. It is quite beautiful, with high ceiling, white and has terrace for the guest reception. The size of the building is medium for around 500 guests or less.

.grabbed it from here, not exactly from the wedding we came.

How about the decoration? hm.. i couldn’t tell you whether there was good or bad decoration since we arrived there around 01.20 pm while the invitation wrote that the ceremony is only from 11.00 am to 01.00 pm, so at the time we finally arrived there, the decoration was a messed! *people were redecorating it for the next wedding ceremony*. argh.. that is why I don’t want to hold my wedding here in Jakarta, or at least, if I had to hold it here, I want it to be an evening ceremony.. *pray-pray-pray so hard*

The dishes? Although the room were under redecorating, they left some dishes for late-guests like us, but I totally had lost my appetite because of this messy things. I only try the salad and it was  a masterpiece! *oke, ini lebay* *but really, it was so delicious!* and after Mr. J finished chit-chat with his friends and took a pose with the newly wed couple, we were heading directly to the Mosque, Mr. J hadn’t pray yet.

Done the Shalat Dzuhur, I suddenly feel so hungry and i’ve been craving for Spaghetti Aglio e Olio since i’ve tried that dishes in Aston Rasuna when my father visited me last month. We finally choose to go to Pizza Marzano Kemang for the afternoon snack *yes, pizza and pasta is Snacks!* and thanks to The Traffic Jam + wrong route decision by Mr.J, we arrived at Kemang around 4 pm! i was really hungry at that time, I felt like I could eat Mr.J for taking the wrong way! grrhhh.. *but I still love you a’… hihihiii

at Pizza Marzano, I ordered Spaghetti and Dough ball as side dishes *because i am so HUNGRY*, Mr. J ordered Pizza . When the food finally came, we finished those delicious foods right away so that I forgot to take the pictures. I love the Spaghetti, it was flooded by the Olive oil and taste so delicious but the pizza was not thin enough for me that i don’t like it so much, the dishes of the day was the dough ball with the garlic sauce. The sauce was rocking my tummy!

 

 

 

.our empty plates.. yummiy!.

Driving through all the traffic made Mr.J wanted to relax a while and he wanted to go creambath and I was dying to buy some new books, so after finished all the dishes, we went to PIM (i don’t exactly remember why we chose to go to PIM ). PIM turned out to be the wrong destination again because there was a nite sale at that night in PIM and you can imagine how bad the traffic was (we need about 30 minutes just to park the car!) and the mall was SO CROWDED that gave me dizzy… having lost our intention to done anything there, we decided to go back home and called it a day.

Do you think that our journey to my house was an easy adventure? nope, hm.. honestly, I don’t know, I could only remember that Mr.J complaining about Traffic jam around Ragunan or somewhere else which is usually not a crowded street, was packed with cars at that night. I was falling asleep all the way home… poor Mr.J who struggle alone through the streets. *i do really love you! :p

In Sunday, we actually had decided to just chilling out at home, relax and just take a rest. I’ve spent my morning eating mangos, oranges, and any fruits left that I could eat *due to my laziness to cook and in the name of diet*, watching Star World and working with my uphile. Around noon, Mr.J called me and reminded me that we have one disdus voucher for gold facial treatment in Wonder Skin Tebet, he asked whether i wanted to go there or not, since i have nothing to eat for lunch, i agreed to go there. He made the reservation and he told by the receptionist there that there were no need to make a reservation, we just need to go there and they are closed in 5 pm. Mr.J picked me at 2 pm and we arrived there around 3 and thank you for the miscommunication between Mr.J and the receptionist, we couldn’t done the treatment that day (They need 2 hrs for the treatment and they are not accepting customer after 3 because they afraid there will not enough time and they full, they thought that when Mr.J called them, we’ll go there straightaway).

Rescheduling and reserving the treatment for next Saturday morning, we hurried toward Radjaketjil for very late lunch.

Radjaketjil is a restaurant I knew from Twitter and so curious to taste the food, turns out to be a VERY DELICIOUS foods! we ordered Hainan Rice for two, Cameo putri baik hati, Seafood Soup, black pepper beef and Fried Cassava for side dishes. I LOVE IT! I just love it. I highly recommended this restaurant for you all, especially the “Singkong goreng”, so crunchy and hm.. i just so in love with cassava.. Mr. J has Red bean Ice as the drink and I drank Terong Belanda Juice.

.The Menu.

.my hungry face.

.stunning dishes.

.my favorite: Singkong Goreng.

Every food tasted so good and the drinks completed the wonderful dishes. Radjaketjil also comforted us by their cozy environment + the rain poured outside. It was the perfect closing for my weekend. Thanks to Mr.J, you completed my life again..

.cozy place + gloomy afternoon.

…everybody but you

you.

you.

you.

you.

you.

nobody

but

you.

you.

you.

only

you.

you.

you.

everybody

but

you.

-yours.

23 years of life..

Precious!

Alhamdulillah for all the things happened in my life, i couldn’t ask for more wonderful life then mine..

it’s all I could live for and it’s what i’m grateful for..

earlier this night, I got surprise cake from my best friends, flour and egg bathing in the middle of the night, frozen because of it!

feel so blessed, having wonderful friends like them..

Banyak luka, duka dan suka sudah kita lalui bersama.. semuanya penuh cerita, tentang saling percaya, tentang yang menganiaya, tentang semua, semua cinta yang kita bagi bersama..

Belum lama sih mengenal kalian, tapi selalu merasa beruntung punya kalian, ada yang selalu bisa diandalkan, walau itu hanya untuk sekedar perlu pelampiasan..

i love you all!

*would like to mention you all here, but it’s kinda too risky to be done, you remain in my heart, forever!* *ketjup* *baca doa tolak bala*

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Tiap tahun kita akan melewati “hari ulang tahun” dimana orang-orang memperlakukan kita dengan cara berbeda, dan aku suka itu.. entah memperlakukan dengan istimewa, atau malah sengaja dibuat kecewa, yang jelas akan selalu bahagia..

*can’t stop smiling*

bagiku, hingga hari ini sudah 23 kali hari ulang tahun kulalui..

tahun-tahun pertama kehidupanku dipenuhi dengan papa, mama, kakak dan keluarga dekat saja..

walaupun hingga tamat SD selalu diadakan perayaan oleh mama papa, tapi entah siapa yang datang pun aku sudah tak ingat lagi, hanya sekelebat bayangan keramaian yang membekas. *cuma kue mama yang masih terasa lezatnya di lidah*

Mulai menginjak SMP, mulai mengenal persahabatan. Di awali dengan teman-teman dekat rumah dan akhirnya aku malah lebih dekat dengan teman di sekolah, karena memang sebagian waktu dihabiskan di sekolah.

Saat SMP aku mengenal teman-teman yang bisa menjadi sahabat yang tak lekang oleh waktu, ada yang hingga kini bertahan selalu bersama walau tak lagi kita sering bertatap muka, *padahal kita satu kota ya, Mit? miss you, hiks*, ada yang karena bersama di Pramuka, membuat kami sangat memahami satu sama lain, luar biasa rasanya mempunyai sahabat seperti mereka, benar-benar bisa saling mengerti tanpa mesti bicara.. amazing friends full of miracle… nambah satu ya dari Pramuka di zaman SMA?? *tribute to Xaiank, Cinta dan Kump + Kak Q*

Teman sekelas di kelas 2 SMA adalah teman-teman yang paling berharga buat saya, karena mereka yang membantu saya melewati masa terberat dalam kehidupan saya..

saat saya berulang tahun yang ke 15 tahun di tahun 2003, saya tak bisa lagi merasakan nikmatnya kue ulang tahun buatan mama lagi, karena persis 5 hari sebelum saya berulang tahun mama telah tiada… namun memiliki teman-teman yang penuh kasih itu membuat saya tetap bisa merasakan sedikit kebahagiaan di masa tergelap hidup saya.

…29 September 2003…

bel istirahat berbunyi, tapi sang ketua kelas menutup pintu kelas agar tidak ada yang keluar kelas dengan alasan ada yang kehilangan uang lagi (beberapa minggu sebelumnya hal ini pernah terjadi juga di kelas) sehingga dia ingin me”razia” isi tas kami.. tapi ternyata malah Black Forest Cake yang muncul dihadapan saya… saya terharu, tak menyangka mereka akan sangat perhatian pada saya.. itu benar-benar titik dimana saya akhirnya percaya bahwa saya mampu menjalani hidup meski tak bersama mama…

mungkin bagi Spregen 8 (nama kelas saya saat itu) apa yang mereka lakukan tidak begitu berarti bagi mereka, atau itu hal yang biasa mereka lakukan, tapi bagi saya, itu sangat berarti dan momen terindah dalam hidup saya.. mereka menunjukkan kepada saya bahwa mereka masih menyayangi saya dan tidak memandang saya dengan berbeda setelah saya kehilangan mama.. saat itu saya yakin mereka akan selalu ada jika saya membutuhkan mereka, dan itu terbukti hingga saat ini.. mereka teman yang sangat berarti dalam hidup saya, walaupun mereka mungkin tak menyadarinya… dan saat itulah saya bertekad kalau saya juga akan selalu ada jika mereka membutuhkan… I do really miss you all guys!

and then I went to Yogya… for my university years! great years there, great years!

another adventure, another bunch of friends, but still.. they remain as amazing as my other best friends..

setiap perjalanan hidup saya, saya menjumpai banyak orang, ada yang lekas berlalu, ada yang singgah sebentar dan ada yang memilih untuk tetap tinggal, mungkin bukan dalam wujud nyata, tetapi imaji mereka selalu nyata dalam benak saya.

Gank Asyiq, begitu kami menamakan gerombolan nakal kami.. banyak hal, banyak kenakalan, entah itu nonton hingga larut malam, karaoke hingga tempatnya tutup, atau pulang pagi setelah berangin-anginan di alun-alun kidul.. great time, loves!

ada juga teletubbies di kampus.. sungguh, aku rindu pelukan kalian, my smart and brilliant friends! semoga sukses selalu dikehidupan kalian…

…kini semua kenangan itu masih ada dalam pikiran, selalu mampu menghangatkan hati yang mulai beku, selalu…selalu menghadirkan rasa sendu.. oh kini aku sungguh merindu!

psstt… now i’m waiting for “you”!

thanks for the surprise…

#today #8YearsAgo

…and I’m gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket…

yak..

Tepat di pukul 10.15 WIB, hari selasa, 24 September 2003, saya kehilangan seorang sosok yang sangat berarti dalam hidup saya. Tak pernah sebelumnya terbayangkan bagaimana bisa menjalani hidup tanpa beliau.

Seorang ibu…

Mama..

Sesaat setelah beliau menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir, saya benar-benar tidak tahu harus berbuat apa, hanya air mata yang mengalir dalam diam. Stroke telah merenggut nyawa Mama, penyakit darah tinggi yang selama ini beliau lawan ternyata menang.

Banyak saudara, teman, dan bahkan orang yang tidak saya kenal datang menghibur. Awalnya kedatangan mereka berhasil mambuat saya tak tenggelam dalam duka, namun akhirnya saya tiba juga pada sebuah titik dimana kesadaran bahwa tidak ada lagi yang membangunkan saya di pagi hari, tidak ada lagi yang memeluk saya ketika saya sedih, tidak ada lagi yang mengusap perut saya ketika saya sakit, tidak ada lagi suara yang selalu berhasil menenangkan kegundahan saya. Beliau telah pergi…dan tidak ada orang yang mampu mengganti tempat beliau…saya yakin…

I miss You Ma, I really do…

thanks for all my families and friend that help me through it all..

i love you all!